Is There a Happily-Ever-After After the Affair?

In the aftermath of the disclosure of an affair, both partners are usually thrown into some degree of turmoil. For the hurt partner however, things are generally much worse. Thus, the possibility of repair is critically dependent on the involved partner (the one who had the affair) understanding at least 3 things about the hurt partner’s experience…

First Featured on Huff Post, you can download a PDF of this article Is-there-a-happily-ever-after-after-the-affair?


Saving Your Humanity: Not Just Another Item on Your Multi-Cultural To-Do List

As an immigrant Woman of Color*, who is also a therapist, I live and work at the intersection of race, class, culture, gender, immigration and trauma. The themes of racism, discrimination and microaggressions tend to be front and center in my professional life, as much as they are in my personal life.

Because I’ve been a person a lot longer than I have a therapist, I’ll start with the personal first. Click to read more…

Flirting to Stay Alive!

The other day, a client walked in, seething with anger: “My father is dying, and my sister sits by his bedside talking about her latest crush! She has gone stark, raving boy-crazy since Dad got sick, and I’d smack her if I could.”

Their father had been diagnosed with late stage lung cancer four months ago, and was on hospice during these final months. As I validated her anger, it began to spill out. She was angry with her father for having smoked all these years, for not having a life insurance, for not having saved more money, and most of all, for not having been a more loving and kind father. She was angry with her mother for being so paralyzed with grief that she needed to be reminded to even eat or shower. My client was angry…
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Six Ways to DeStress!

blurfaceThese are busy days, when there are many demands on our time and our attention. We tend to multitask our way through breakfast, lunch and dinner. As a result of our task overload, many of us begin to experience stress, which when unchecked can lead to anxiety.
Here are some options that have helped client to feel some immediate relief from stress and anxiety. What works one day, may not work at another time; what works for each person is different, so keep trying until you find what works for you. Continue reading Six Ways to DeStress!

What is “Whole Body Listening?”

“Thank you for teaching me how to listen; it has really changed my relationship!”

A client came in the other day surprised by how much her relationship had changed since she had learned how to listen. It reminded me that a post about “Whole Body Listening*” was long overdue. Continue reading What is “Whole Body Listening?”

Batting Away the Snowball of Nervousness!

A former client requested that I share his success story in my blog. So here it is:

stage_spotlightRodney** came to therapy with a simple issue:

“I have a gig next week, and I want to be able to play the bass with greater ease.”

He wanted to know whether I could help him with his anxiety that caused him to give up opportunities to perform front of a live audience.

I asked Rodney whether he knew the difference between being nervous and being excited. Rodney said that he felt nervous when he thought of playing the bass in front of others, but excited when he thought of skiing down a slope. Continue reading Batting Away the Snowball of Nervousness!